CHAPTER ONE
Kate dropped onto the couch in the nurse’s break room, her legs collapsing beneath her as she struggled to keep her eyes open. Sixteen hours since she’d been outside the hospital. It felt like sixteen days.
She’d stay for sixteen more if it meant not having to play a nurse-slash-doormat to Beau. But she’d worked her three days of twelve-hour shifts, and she’d have to spend the next four days at home.
She sniffed her scrub top, then winced at the sour smell. She’d slipped in a puddle of vomit when rushing to a Code Blue, and even though she’d changed her top, the scent clung to her. And maybe a bit of amniotic fluid, too. She’d had to catch a baby when a crowning mom couldn’t wait for the doctor.
“That bad, huh?”
Kate glanced up at Liza, whose frizzy gray-streaked hair and rumpled blue scrubs suggested she was as tired as Kate felt.
“I can’t believe three nurses called in sick,” Kate said. “That’s got to be some sort of record for one shift.”
“There’s not enough hand sanitizer in the world to keep the stomach flu away forever.” Liza spun the dial on her locker door. “I can’t wait to go home and take a long, hot bath. I’ve been here fourteen hours. What about you?”
“Sixteen.” And she’d spent the last two comforting a mom who’d lost a baby—full term, with no complications other than a missing fetal heartbeat. Kate had held back tears as she helped the grief-stricken parents bathe and dress their baby, then place a pink bow on her head. Kate had spent ten minutes crying in the bathroom before collecting herself enough to finish her final rounds.
Liza winced in sympathy. “At least you have that handsome husband of yours waiting for you at home. Mine is grabbing takeout tonight. I told him I was too tired to cook.”
It took everything in Kate not to laugh at the idea of Beau grabbing takeout. He was a lot of things, but a doting husband definitely wasn’t one of them.
He’s in pain, Kate reminded herself for the millionth time. Beau broke his back in a roofing accident only two months into their marriage. Nothing had been the same since then.
“It must be nice to have a husband at home who can hold down the fort while you’re working,” Liza continued. “One year until Keith can retire and do the same. I’m counting down the minutes.”
Kate would just be grateful if Beau hadn’t created more work for her. When she’d left that morning at four o’clock—Beau still snoring loudly in their bed—the dishes had overflowed in the sink, the counters hadn’t been wiped down in two days, and three baskets of unfolded laundry sat at the foot of their bed. In the past, she would’ve suggested he help pick up around the place. But the days of silent treatment—or worse, the verbal cut-downs she’d receive for the suggestion—had stopped being worth it long ago.
You love him, she reminded herself. But after six years, she was so exhausted.
“See you Monday?” Liza asked. “I think we’re working the same shift.”
“Yeah. It’s your last week, right?”
“Yes, and it can’t come soon enough. I’m getting too old for these insanely long days. Are you sure you don’t want to come with me? They’re still hiring.”
The offer was beyond tempting. Liza had been hired by a pediatrician’s office, where she’d work five eight-hour days and only one weekend a month. It would be so nice to have an excuse to be gone each day, to have energy to pick up around the house when she got home. But it also wouldn’t have the overtime pay of the hospital. “Thanks, but I need to stay here.”
“Well, the offer stands. No promises, but I’d put in a good word for you. See you Monday.” Liza gave a little wave and left the break room.
Kate pulled her backpack out of a locker. The glowing screen of her phone showed Beau had texted her twenty-three times in the last sixteen hours. She wondered what she’d done wrong this time, and how much money Beau had spent in retribution. His disability checks barely covered their utilities and didn’t come close to covering what he spent each month on beer and cigarettes. But he still complained whenever she picked up extra shifts to help with the financial strain.
He’d be mad when she walked in the front door without calling him first. But the last half hour of peace and quiet was worth it. She clung to the hope that the man she married was still somewhere inside the Beau hardened by years of chronic pain.
Kate sank onto the bus stop bench outside the hospital, a few mosquitoes buzzing around the glowing streetlight. The California heat had finally died down with the onset of fall, and a light breeze cooled the sticky perspiration on her skin. She ran a weary hand over her hair, smoothing the dark brown strands back into her ponytail. Her auburn roots were starting to show again. She’d have to get up before Beau in the morning and dye the red away.
The bus was on time for a change. Kate gratefully took a seat near the front and leaned her head against the window. Maybe she’d sleep in the spare room tonight. Beau snored so loudly, and his constant tossing and turning kept her awake. If she sneaked out after he fell asleep, he’d never know.
“Isn’t this your stop, honey?”
Kate jerked awake, forcing her eyelids open despite the way they burned. “Yes, thank you.”
“You look exhausted. Go home and get some rest, okay? They work you too hard at that hospital.”
“I’ll do my best. Goodnight.” Kate stumbled on the last step but caught herself before falling.
The three blocks home might as well be a marathon. Every painful step rubbed the blister on her foot raw. The sun had set hours ago, the dim streetlights illuminating the cracked and buckling sidewalk. Kate let her head droop as she struggled to keep her eyes open. The route was so familiar she could probably walk it in her sleep. Not that she was eager to try.
She turned the corner and squinted at the sudden change in light intensity. Her eyes protested at the flashing blue-and-red, the sandpaper feeling making them water. She fought against the pain for three seconds, blinking rapidly, before her vision finally cleared.
Two blocks down, in the middle of the cul-de-sac where she lived, were four police cars and two fire trucks. The next door neighbor’s teenage son had probably been caught vandalizing the high school again.
And then she saw the smoke.
Her heart stopped beating, then raced in her chest as she struggled to breathe. Black smoke poured from the windows of her small rambler. Flames licked at the wood siding, swallowing it up like a hungry lion.
Kate’s feet pounded against the pavement as she ran past the neighbors standing on their front steps, past Old Mr. Hillman’s yippy Pomeranian, and toward the house that held everything she owned. Her grandfather had built that house. She’d been raised there. The hope chest he’d given her for high school graduation would never survive that blaze. All her furniture, clothing, and mementos were being eaten alive by the inferno.
And then she thought of one more thing that might be inside that house. Beau.
No! She pushed herself to run faster. Guilt slammed against her for every negative thought she’d had about him today.
Her hands grasped at the bulky yellow-and-black fire coat of the first fireman she reached. Soot covered his face but couldn’t hide the cleft in his chin. He was perhaps in his late twenties, with startling blue eyes that pierced through the dark.
“My husband,” Kate gasped. Her sides ached from her two-block sprint and she was pretty sure her blister was bleeding. “Was he inside?”
She’d wanted out for years, ever since it became clear the accident had stolen her husband. But not like this. Never like this. Her knees buckled and the fireman grabbed her arm, his grip firm and steady. She clung to him, the world spinning.
Beau had to have been inside when the fire started. He never went anywhere. She tried to picture him hobbling out of the house with his cane but couldn’t.
“Are you the owner of this house?” The fireman’s voice was deep, but still somehow soft.
Kate nodded, her breath coming in gasps. “Yes. Kaitlynn Monroe. My husband has back problems and walks with a cane. He’s usually watching TV in the living room or sleeping in the bedroom.”
The fireman covered her hand where it grasped his coat. She did the same thing when trying to comfort grieving parents.
She should’ve been here to help him. Should’ve insisted she couldn’t stay on shift for an extra four hours. Planets collided in her mind and the rubble would bury her alive.
“Is he okay?” Kate asked, her voice a squeak.
“I’m so sorry, Mrs. Monroe.” The silver nameplate across his left breast pocket flashed in the moonlight, and she could just make out the word Coleman. “We got him out of the house, but it was already too late. The paramedics couldn’t revive him.”
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